On our final arrival

Looking back over my archives, the reason I've been quiet for so long is predictable;

This little love joined our noisy family at the end of August.  This year has been so full of good things that keeping sane meant choosing what to drop.  Children, home, work, husband and sleep won out!

Elias Andrew Longden Ingram

25th August 2015

7lb 13.5oz

He was nameless for nearly a week, much longer than our other little ones whose names were mostly set before they were born.  It didn't help that we truly didn't know what we were expecting; we actually had a girl's name ready to go.  He'd been Eli in my head for weeks but it didn't seem long enough for a 'proper' name.  A couple of days after he was born, Andy suggested Elias (which is the Greek form of Elijah and means 'The Lord Most High') but it was another 3 days before we could discuss it properly and make a decision.

The children have adored him since day one; I'm slightly concerned that Sammy will love him to pieces!  He's settled in nicely and I've felt better after this delivery than I did after any of the others.  Life carries on around him; Isaac's back at school for Year One, Anna's at preschool 5 mornings a week and Sam is just learning to talk.

Andy and I are tired and busy but delighted that our family is complete.  Here's to the next stage on our big adventure!

On New Year's Day

So at the beginning of last year I made a few lists of things I'd like to accomplish in 2014.  Reading back now, it's interesting to see which things got done and which are still hanging over me.

Home

• Finish decorating the nursery
• Replace bathroom
• Decorate hallway and staircase
• Mammoth decluttering project!

So the nursery and bathrrom are done and I love them both so much.  Unfortunately, I must have forgotten to specify that the bathroom should be self-cleaning.....  The hallway/staircase and living room are on the agenda for this year; maybe one major renovation project a year is enough for us!  As for the decluttering, I think that's a bit of a pipe dream.  I have been better at getting rid of stuff this year, so this is definitely a work in progress.

Craft

• Rationalise yarn projects
• Project Life 2014
• Scrapbooking
• Finish kitchen blind
• Make patchwork quilt.

Ummmm.... I did plenty of crafty things this year, including winding my own yarn from a skein.  I did manage to get my WIPs under control and I've been finishing things all year.  Project Life is about 8 weeks behind, but that's totally fixable!  I did scrapbook but maybe not as much as I'd hoped.  As for the blind and the quilt?  Let's not talk about them today.

Family

• Continue to build a strong and long-lasting marriage; regular time together, without the children!
• Continue to consider the children's temperaments, developmental stages and natural tendencies 
• Continue with our daily and weekly routines
• Provide consistent discipline for the children
• Go on a family holiday
• Spend time with our extended families.

This was the year of the tent for us.  We took several holidays together, including one with my parents and siblings so that's two big check marks right there!  I've loved seeing all the children develop this year and how their personalities are changing as they grow.  Routines continue to be important but also flexible.  The only thing I'm not happy about on this list is making time to spend with Andy apart from the children.  We recently went out for the day together for the first time since Samuel was born.  That said, while we don't leave the house very often, we do spend most evenings in together and do family things at the weekends.

Work

• Attend trainees committee meetings
• Read Archives monthly
• Complete allergy data project

Being off work for an entire calendar year has been both wonderful and really really strange.  I've seen quite a few friends from work over the course of the year and so I've kept up with the news and gossip from the department.  I've also attended all but one of the committee meetings over the year and done a few bits and pieces between meetings for that.  I didn't read even one full issue of Archives and I didn't do that data analysiis project but I did enrol in a Masters in Medical Education and I've been pleasantly surprised how engaging the work has been so far.

Self

• Use an anti-ageing moisturiser and consider an eye cream
• Moderate my expectations to fit the season.

This is a really really interesting one!  I did use an anti-ageing moisturiser for part of the year but to be honest, I didn't see enough of a benefit to justify the cost and it was so much more convenient to use my general moisturiser for my face.  I think my biggest achievement of the year, apart from having a baby obviously, was losing 2 stone and 8 pounds!  I'm the lightest I've ever been in my adult life (and probably most of my teenage years too!) and I feel amazing.  I buy clothes a size smaller than I thought I'd ever get back into.  The thing I'm most proud of is that I stuck in there to the finish line, I didn't bail out with half a stone to go and say 'that's good enough'.  I found it in myself to be kind and tolerant of my habits and my needs.  I actually started to believe that 'tomorrow is another day' and that one mistake doesn't ruin an entire day's work.

I'd forgotten that my take-home message last year was to moderate my expectations to fit the season.  I was discussing this with friends yesterday and one of them commented that I was good at deciding when to let things go and just accept what was possible.  Looking back over the year, of course there have been times when I've sat on the floor and cried, but for the most part, I've made my priorities and put them into practise.  I think I must have said a million times this year 'how do I do it all?  I don't, my house is untidy and unclean.'  It's the truth, and I'm satisfied with that.

So looking ahead to 2015?  This year is going to be crazy-busy.  One thing I've learned this year is exactly how much work three children, a husband and a house create.  I'm really not sure how things are going to work once I'm also trying to do my job at the same time.  So my word for 2015 is SEASON; there's a time for everything and a season for every purpose under the sun (Ecc 3 v.1, The Holy Bible).  I have a list of goals for the year, including that decorating project and my Masters degree, but over all of it, I know that I am here, in this time of my life, with these people, for a specific purpose.

From Granny and Grandpa, with love

My parents have given each of our children their first teddy bear.  They started the tradition with Isaac; actually, he got two bears, a traditional brown bear and a modern Kaloo bear, now referred to as crocodile bear.  They came to stay with us the day after Isaac was born and drove into town especially to buy his first bear.  So it was just natural that they'd bring a teddy for Anna and Samuel when they arrived.

Isaac's teddy wears a fireman outfit these days and has recently been to school because they're looking at bears this term.  Anna's teddy is supposed to wear a jaunty little necktie but you're more likely to find it around Isaac's neck than teddy's.  Samuel's teddy sits in the corner of his cot and gets chewed on regularly.

I still have my first teddy bear; he's a bit thread-bare now but he sits on the top of my bed and gets mauled occasionally by well-meaning children.  He sat on a bookshelf above my bunkbed at home then moved to university with me.  He has no name but he's so precious to me.  He has always had a place in our bedroom and I think he always will.

I'm glad that my children have their own family heirlooms and I'm looking forward to hearing them tell their stories to their own children one day.

In the three month bubble

My brain is finally starting to come out of its postpartum fog.  The first clue was when I started thinking about next week's meal plan while still planning this week's.  It's difficult to understand the psychological and cognitive changes that happen after having a baby.  Almost everyone is familiar with the physical and emotional consequences of such a massive, life-changing event but the effects on your mind and thinking aren't quite as obvious.  It's easy to think that you ought to be able to get back to a normal level of functioning relatively quickly but after having three babies, I've realised that it takes me about three months to start to rejoin the world.

Initially following the arrival of a new baby, I feel like I've crawled into a little hole.  It's a cosy, comfy little hole, full of cushions and knitted blankets.  I can watch the world passing by up above but I don't quite feel part of it, a sort of dream-like quality.  Getting to know the new arrival and remolding our life around them takes a lot of time and energy.  Not to mention the tiredness that comes from sleep-deprivation and recovering from the physical exertion of delivery (however you deliver, it's still a massive undertaking; a Caesarean is a major abdominal operation).  Your hormones are raging, causing all sorts of emotional upset.  Plus your life has changed indescribably, whether it's your first baby or your third (I can't talk from personal experience past three, but I can imagine).  Add to that the change in your relationship with your partner, who's also trying to adjust to the baby, and helping any other children to integrate and accept the new addition, and you can start to understand the emotional toll.  Is it any wonder that your plate feels full by this point?!

After the first three months, I start to become comfortable psychologically venturing out of the house.  You might have seen my physical being out and about but I wouldn't want to guarantee that my brain was present too!  The cognitive difficulties still persist though.  This is just selection of the issues that I'm still encountering, more than six months after the birth of my third child;

• Vocabulary - I just cannot find the words these days.  When I was going back to work after Isaac, I was really concerned that I wouldn't be able to remember the word in an emergency.  As it happened, I didn't struggle at all.  I couldn't remember the word for the "cold cupboard" in the kitchen but I never had that problem at work, go figure!
• Names - I think this might be a side effect of having so many children but I can't keep them straight anymore.  I owe my mum an apology for all the times I complained about being called by the cat's name growing up!
• Forward planning - seeing to the end of the week is getting easier, starting to plan for next week... well that's another matter.
• Complex thinking - actually formulating something with more than one stage in my head?  Yeah right!  Give me twice as long to think about it!!
• Distractions - I'm starting to think about getting my hearing checked because if there's more than one conversation going on at once around me, I just can't concentrate.  I can't multi-task, I have to focus solely on what I'm doing, so don't you dare ask me a question while I'm trying to put a vest on a wriggling baby!
• Slow change - you want to move on in our conversation?  Change the subject to something else?  Give me another couple of minutes, announce the change, give it another couple of minutes and then I might be ready to talk about something else.

Things do get better; like I said, I'm moving out of the fog these days.  I have a few ideas of ways to cope and keep functioning during this time.

• First, and this is the hardest step I think, take it easy.  Be kind to yourself.  Recognise that you've been through a lot (pregnancy is no picnic, let alone labour and delivery) and are still going through a lot.  Think about what you would tell a friend in these same circumstances and then tell yourself the same.  Far too often we look around us at how everyone else is managing their perfect lives with their perfect children and feel inferior.  The answer seems to be to just try harder, work harder, be more when actually there are seasons in life that require rest and recuperation.  Enjoy the first months with a new baby, you'll never get them back.  I promise you that the only person judging you is you, everyone else is too busy cooing at the baby!
• Write it down, don't expect your brain to be able to hold on to all the important things whizzing round in there these days.  So lists and calendars are your friend, with the added bonus that you can buy a pretty notebook to keep those lists in!
• Don't underestimate the importance of routines.  When you do something in the same way on a regular basis, you develop a sort of muscle memory and you don't need to engage the thinking bit of your brain in quite the same way.  Think of it as a rest for your brain.  It's like driving or playing an instrument; when you first start, you have to think about every individual action (mirror, signal, manoeuvre) but as time goes on, they get grouped together into action sets (turn the corner) and require less thought.  Doing the same thing at the same time each week, e.g. every Monday I go grocery shopping, reduces the decision-making element of the action, making it less of a challenge.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help from those around you.  And if someone offers to do something, at least think about it before you automatically say no.  Maybe an hour off while someone else walks your older children to the park and back will be the difference between sanity and the other thing.
• Decide what's important to you and stop trying to do it all.  I do not clean.  Literally, I've said this before, I vacuum when my carpet is crunchy, I clean my mirrors when I can't see myself in them anymore.  It just doesn't bother me that much, I have better things to do with my time.  It is impossible to do everything you need to, everything you think you ought to and everything you want to in every day.  You'll only exhaust yourself trying.

For the love of family food

While I am a qualified children's doctor, I'm only relating my experiences with my children on this blog. The NHS has plenty of information available for mums and dads in the UK about weaning and other children's health issues.

I'll be honest right off the bat and say that this isn't Sam's first tastes of food. He started with cucumber ten days ago or so and we've just returned from a big family holiday where my mum and my siblings delighted in offering him bits off their plates.  Whenever I recommend baby-led weaning to anyone, their first question is always "what sort of foods do you give him/her?" My answer, whatever we're having, doesn't seem specific enough so I guess this post is me fleshing that out a bit.

When I say 'whatever we're having', I do mean it literally. That did require some changes to what I was cooking at first (more fruit & veg, less salt) but with two children already eating with us four days a week, our family meals are pretty baby-ready these days.

We've literally just got back from a week-long holiday in the Lakes so there's pretty much nothing in our fridge and I had no plan for dinner. That usually means oven-ready food or pasta and sure enough I scavenged up the ingredients for tuna pasta bake. Since the replacements straps and padded insert for the highchair arrived while we were away, there was no reason Sam couldn't join us.

I started off with some pasta and 'bits' in a bowl but he's not quite tall enough to see into it yet so we quickly moved on to using just the tray.

This is a new experience for Sam; it's only the second or third time he's been in a highchair so he has no idea what to expect. He's fed-up! I hand him a single pasta twirl and he takes it to his mouth to suck.

He struggles to pick up the pasta initially and gets frustrated so I pass him pieces of pasta. I also put smallish bits of tuna and sauce on my fingers and offer them to him. He takes the food eagerly and moves it round his mouth. I'm not sure he's swallowed anything yet but he's very happy just 'playing' with the food.

After a little while, maybe 10 minutes, he's getting frustrated with the pasta so I slice a nectarine into quarters and offer him one. Again, he doesn't know what it is or what it's for, so I gently wipe it across his lips. He licks the juice and realises this is good. And then he's off. Nectarine is a winner!  He struggles occasionally to pick up the slippery fruit but for the most part he's doing this all himself.

After finishing most of the nectarine, he goes back to the pasta. Random food combinations are a big feature of BLW; strawberry petit filous and king prawns, anyone?! He's getting the hang of it now and quite confidently brings pasta to his mouth for a suck and a chew. I'm sure I've heard him swallow at some point but I guess we'll know for sure with tomorrow's nappies!

This is all going on during a family meal. We're talking about our favourite parts of our holiday with the children and discussing our upcoming house project. All four of us, the children are great at this, are positive and encouraging to Sam. Lots of smiles and praise for what he's doing. We've also introduced the signs for 'more' and 'finished'; these are the two I found most useful with Isaac at this age. It'll take a while before Sam joins in but the repetition is key to getting it to stick.

A note about the floor; weaning is a messy business. No, sorry, children are a messy business. And never more so than when they eat. Isaac knocked his cup over, spilling his squash. Anna doesn't wear a top whenever we have tomato-based sauces. We have tile flooring that wipes clean beautifully. Usually anything that hits the floor comes straight back into the bowl to be played with/eaten again. But like I said, we've just got home from a week away, leaving the cats in the house and I haven't cleaned the floor yet. Plus tuna and pasta are a pretty good cat-attraction device!

On clean-up; start at the top and work your way down. I wear rubber gloves and remove the food first. I wipe the tray, knocking leftover bits onto the floor mostly. Then I wipe the child and remove bibs or dirty clothing. As it happens, hubby is running a bath so I offloaded Sam to him but if I'm on my own, I get the baby something to do before I carry on. Quite a lot of meals are easier to clean up once they're dry anyway. Then I wipe the highchair from top to bottom, not forgetting the rails on the floor. And finally the floor. I don't generally use disinfectant unless there's some stuck-on mess or it's really gross. Hot soapy water on an e-cloth is enough for me; wearing gloves means I can use really hot dish washing water.

And highchairs? I love our East Coast folding wooden chair. I bought it for Isaac along with a traditional, padded PVC one, which was a nightmare to get clean and went mouldy in storage. I've just ordered a new insert (from Argos but look online for the best price) and new straps (from east coast) and it looks great. The tray lifts over the top so you can sit them right up at the table too. But if I were buying again today, I'd get the ikea highchair. I can almost guarantee you've seen it out & about. A white plastic seat with a removable tray (both dishwasher safe!!) and long grey legs. It's so easy to clean, light and it's only £12 (£16 with the tray)!!

On knitting for baby

Milo Vest in Rico Essentials Merino DK in Khaki | This was such a quick and lovely knit.  I actually cast it on just before I had Samuel and finished it in the first couple of weeks afterwards.  It's my first attempt at cable knitting and it was a lovely introduction piece.  You can choose your cable pattern and since it's such a small section with plenty of plain stocking stitch in between, it's not too taxing for the brain.

Samuel's Blanket in Rico Soft Merino Aran, Various (Natural, Fuchsia, Mandarine, Jeans, Eucalyptus, Grey, Pistachio) | I've made a blanket for each of my babies, though I still haven't finished sewing the ends on Isaac's.  This yarn was recommended by a friend and it's lovely and squishy.  I chose a neutral colour palette because we didn't find out the baby's sex before he arrived.  The granny square is from Little Tin Bird.  I finished the squares and the cream border but ran out of the eucalyptus with about 6 inches left to do.  The colour has been discontinued but I found a ball at The Homemakery, I can really recommend this store, the service is excellent.

Puerperium in Sirdar Snuggly Smiley Stripes, Bambini Blue | I finished this little cardie just before Samuel arrived but didn't manage buttons for a few weeks afterwards.  I did it in newborn size, which fit for about a month but then I do breed decent-sized babies.

Magic Coffee Hat in Rico Soft Merino Aran, various | I didn't manage to make hats for Isaac or Anna but I used the odd ends of my blanket yarn to make a simple striped hat for Samuel.  This was while I was waiting for the extra teal to edge the blanket, which is why it doesn't appear in the hat.

On my desk

I've had precious little time to myself this last month; there's always something housework-y that needs doing at any given time.  But I'm not too far behind on my project life albums and I've managed to fit some 12x12s in as well.

I took these photos intentionally so I could make this page documenting Sam's love of his monkey toy.  I wanted to pull out the bright red and orange alongside the pale blue of his babygro so I dug through my scraps and paper collections to find some different options.  It's simple, but it's another important story ready to go in his album (once I actually buy one for him....).

I made this for a class over at Big Picture Classes; the Art and Science of Scrapbooking, which looked at the concept of right- and left-brain tendencies.  The challenge was to find a beautiful photo and use this to make a layout (this is how I make most of my 12x12s, left-brained anyone?!).  I love the way Anna is looking at Andy.  I made 10 page-bases recently, using up the left-overs of a few collections that I loved, and this was one of them so this page came together really quickly.  The little deer diecut comes from the Studio Calico Printshop line but I really didn't think the colour went with any of the papers I bought from the line so I'm glad it got used here.

The realities of a photoshoot with three children - you get twenty or thirty crazy shots before you get the perfect pose with everyone smiling or at least looking at the camera!

Samuel's 3 month photoshoot; I'm adding the vest stickers as embellishment on these pages, mostly cos I can't throw anything away!  For this page, I pulled papers to match the stickers from the Simple Stories Baby Boy stickers, those elephants are so cute!

These two pages go next to each other and tell the story of the Easter Egg Hunt we went on with some of my mummy friends.  We've never done an egg hunt before and the children loved it.  I think the bit they enjoyed the most was playing around in the park and woods with their friends.  These are two more page bases with some similar papers to tie them together nicely.  I got to use up some really cute Easter project life printables from last year and a few random bits and bobs hanging around on my desk.

Under canvas

Well, sort of.

Hubby grew up camping on the Isle of Wight as a boy and has a strong and fervent love for all things tenty.  We camped a couple of times before we had children, but I was not convinced of its merits.  The idea of taking a baby or small children camping did not fill me with joy; in fact, I expected to need a holiday after my holiday should we go camping as a family.  Until the Anna was on the way, we didn't even take a regular holiday each year.  We both agree that there are some lovely holiday destinations in this country and I'm not a fan of flying anyway.  So we have taken a few holidays in England, staying in holiday cottages but the boy starts school in September and taking a family of five away in school holidays would break our bank.

Enter the idea of a tent.  Apparently you can camp in relative comfort without crossing over into "glamping".  So we went and bought a tent.  An enormous, 8 man, inflatable tent (I know, I know, but go check them out, they're pretty cool).  We bought the essentials (sleeping bags, campbeds, an airbed, camping chairs) and planned out a strategy.  I have some pre-requisites for the campsite; hot showers, flushing toilets, running water.  And there's no way on earth I'm heading out for a week under canvas with no run-up.

We tested the sleeping bags at my parents' house a couple of weeks ago.  Well, the children in their sleeping bags really.  And they did a great job.

This past weekend, we headed out for an overnight stay not too far from home.  We packed the car and tootled up to Derbyshire on a sunny Saturday morning.  We arrived just before midday and started to make camp.  The tent took about an hour to inflate and peg out (it might have been quicker if the children hadn't "helped").  We put out all our equipment and headed off to Matlock in search of a playground (Isaac's request).  We wandered through a park, took a ride on a mini-train and spent a lovely hour playing in the sunshine.

We headed to a pub for dinner and ate our amazing steaks out in the sunny garden.  We arrived back at our campsite around 7pm with three very tired children.  Both the bigs needed a shower, an interesting experience even on a modern, well-equipped campsite.  They went to bed reasonably easily that night and hubby & I enjoyed the peaceful summer evening with a bottle of something cold.  Isaac slept really well that night, Anna was up a half a dozen times with a cough and Samuel just wouldn't settle in his cot so slept in my arms.

The next morning we got up and ate porridge at a picnic table before packing up all our stuff for the journey home.  The tent itself is really easy to deflate, if a little tricky to pack up into its carrying bag.  We were ready to go by our midday deadline, which is surprising for us, we're never on time anywhere.

We visited Matlock Farm Park and ate lunch in their cafe.  They had the best 'snack plate' for the children; Isaac ate everything on his!  The playground and the bouncy castle were the biggest hits but when we dragged the children away, they loved the animals too.  I had the best time holding a baby bunny with first Anna and then Isaac.  Anna's so funny with animals; she's fascinated and enchanted, until they get within a foot of her, at which point she becomes terrified!!

Unsurprisingly, all three children fell asleep in the car on the way home.  Hubby and I needed a good rest but all in all, we had a brilliant time.  We're planning our next trip already, two nights this time, I'm getting braver!

Around our dining room table

One of the memories I want to leave my children is that of sitting around the table as a family, enjoying food and conversation together.  As with seemingly every other aspect of parenting, it turns out that modelling the behaviour you want your children to adopt is the best route to take.  So the best way to teach table manners, healthy food attitudes and good conversational skills is to display them on a regular basis.

Part of our weaning strategy (if you can call it that) is having the children sit at the table as part of the family.  It feels awkward at first, to try and make conversation with a toddler while still maintaining some semblence of order.  Every day we ask the same question and let that lead us into a conversation.  "How was your day?"

It feels daft to ask a toddler what they did that day and what their favourite part was.  Especially when you then use closed questions to get them to tell you something you already know.  "Tell Daddy what you saw in the carpark."

But it's paying off, because now, the three year old is asking us how our day was.  And the two year old copies her brother.  And we're actually having a conversation.

On Sunday 23rd February

Reading... Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard. He writes so concretely and practically about Christian spiritual formation. But his style is dense and complex requiring a lot of concentration and sometimes rereading of sentences, paragraphs or whole sections! There's a lot of thought-provoking stuff in this book. (For less brain-heavy reading, I keep turning to my Feedly to catch up with some blogs.)

Relishing... the 9 hours sleep I got last night, though not the crazy-making day that preceded it.

Watching... Dollhouse on lovefilm. Loved this series the first time around!

Feeling... tired, despite the aforementioned good night's sleep. My brain still isn't functioning brilliantly; I'm easily distracted & keep losing the thread of conversation halfway through a sentence, even if I'm the one speaking.

Thinking... how badly our living room floor needs vacuuming.

Folding... mountains of laundry. I laughed at my friend (with a 3 year old and 8 month old twins) who said her washing machine is on non-stop. Couldn't believe she needed to do that much washing. Now I know better; this baby vomits. And real nappies with two? Hard. Work.

Eating... far too many treats. I need the extra calories for breastfeeding but I'm falling into bad habits. It's good to be aware of your body's needs. It is not good to be stuffing your mouth all day and never feeling hungry.

Wishing... my body would snap back to a proper clothing size. Preferably a size 10 on top and bottom. (I have never been that size in my life!)

Buying... things for the children. New furniture, new clothes, food. I've turned into *that* woman. "I never buy anything for myself these days."

Speaking... the positives about life with three children. It's far too easy to whinge about lack of sleep and not mention the baby smiles, curly ponytails and snotty kisses that make life fantastic right now.

Looking forward... to my time tomorrow. The older two are still going to their childcare Monday to Wednesday. It saves my sanity. I occasionally feel guilty about driving away from my children to spend my day without them. That feeling is pretty much gone by the time I get home.

Loving... watching Isaac being a big brother again. Seriously, the best thing about having more children is watching them be siblings.

Hoping... our new neighbours get the noisy parts of their DIY done soon. They've taken on a big project but they've been really considerate about noise & inconvenience to us. Looking forward to them being able to move in & getting to know them a bit more.

Sitting... post-feed and listening to the rest of my family eating tea downstairs.

On January 11th

Apologies for my absence.  It's been a little busy round here.

Samuel Robert Longden Ingram

Born 11th January 2014 at 11:16pm

Weighing 8lb 14 1/2oz

He's beautiful, the children love him and I'm very tired.  But what else is new?!

Actually, things are pretty great right now.  I'm tired and busy but really enjoying my time with my littlest.  He's growing before our very eyes.  He sleeps, he feeds, what more can you ask for at this stage!  Normal service to be resumed at some point.

On being a supermum

There's a chap at our church who calls me Supermum.  He's married with grown children; he means it kindly, not creepily.  He admires the fact that I bring snacks and drinks and toys for my two to play with during the service.

I have some lovely friends who have, from time to time, also called me Supermum.  And again, they mean it as a positive.  A term of admiration and encouragement.

Can I let you into a little secret?  Well, two actually but they're inextricably linked.

1. I hate the word.  Hate it.  With a firey passion.  Well, at least with as much passion as I can summon for anything right now.

2. I'm not.  Not in that sense anyway.

I want to say right away that I love the people who use it.  They are good people, who see into my life and want to applaud me for what I'm doing.  We all need a cheerleading squad from time to time.  Even if you know what you're doing and why, there are still going to be hard times and moments of doubt when you need someone else's reassurance.

The problem I have is the separation.  The notion that 'she', whoever she happens to be that day, is Supermum or Superwoman.  She has something that sets her apart, something I don't have.  She is more than I am.  She is better than me.  It separates us when I think of her as 'Super' because the corollary is that I am ordinary (no capital letter for me).

The reality is that each one of us is an individual, creating our individual families in the best way we know how.  I am the only wife of my husband and the only mother to my children.  I was purpose designed to love and serve them at this time and in my own, unique way.  No one else can do precisely what I can do.  And the same goes for you.

I have some internet friends.  Even my husband finds this a bit weird but stick with me.  Somehow, over social media, having only ever met 3 of them in real life, I have managed to evolve a community of mutual support and reassurance.

One of them has just become a mummy for the second time.  She worries about doing the best for her boys.  What she doesn't see is that she bakes yummy treats and creates fun crafts with them more than I ever have with my two.

One of them worries about her son's eating and sleeping.  And yet she's managed to make something by hand for every baby she knows that was born in 2013.

One of them has just moved house and I cannot believe the speed at which she and her husband have tweaked the decoration to be just to their liking.  (Also, I'm jealous of her table-setting arrangements, it's a gift, I swear!)

One of them is a babywearer; I (and my back) salute her.  She gets herself and her two girls out of the house every day (weather permitting).

There are more examples.  Examples of how doing what comes naturally is creating a beautiful lives for them and their children.  Of choosing the best thing for them, at that time and place.

That's the positives.  So here comes the balance.  My confessions.

• I love to cook, especially savoury food but in some seasons, the idea of deciding what to feed my family every night wears on me.  And the children have chicken nuggets again.
• I don't see the point of children's crafts.  It seems like a waste of materials to me.  So I also can't throw away anything that the children have made.
• I don't clean.  I vacuum only when the carpet is crunchy.  I recently cleaned my sink for the first time in months.  I wiped down some mirrors about a month ago and was astonished at how clear the reflections could be.
• I don't exercise.  Really, honestly.  I walk around at work, I push a buggy around the shops and I occasionally go swimming with my family.  But I live in a village so I jump in the car for almost every trip we make, including taking my son to pre-school.
• I have piles of organised chaos all over my house and garage.  They never quite make it all the way to wherever it is that they are supposed to be going.
• I wash our clothes when we start running out of things to wear.  And then take 3 days to get things folded and another day to actually put them back into drawers.

I could go on.  And on.  And on.

The reality is that I cannot do everything and that actually I don't want to.  So I choose the essentials (for example getting carbs, protein and vegetables into my children, having clean clothes to put on them most days) and the things that make my heart sing (taking photos, documenting our lives, reading, laughing with my children, sitting quietly with my husband) and I try my hardest to let the rest of it go.  That's the limit of my abilities right now.  And every single person I know is doing exactly the same.

Supermum doesn't exist.  She's a myth.  She has no special powers or abilities.  She's a mirage.

Reality is a lot more reassuring.  Supermum is me and you and your friend next door and your work colleague and your sister.  She loves her children and tries her best.  At the end of the day, that's all anyone could or should ask.

On New Year's Eve

Some traditions are intentional while others just evolve over time until it's natural that they occur when they do.  Our New Year's Eve celebrations are the latter; it only occurred to me this year that we have one at all.

Early on in our relationship, I had some major medical school exams in the first week of January and was studying hard.  Instead of heading out on the town or getting drunk with friends, we stayed home in my student house and ate dinner together.  I know, we were rock and roll back then.

This year, I'm heavily pregnant, we have 2 small children and we had just got back from our time away.  We needed to get the children back into their normal routines and organising a babysitter seemed like more trouble than it was worth.  Instead, we had our usual quiet evening at home.  We bought ready-prepared food from Mark & Spencers (real food that you just have to chuck in the oven for the prescribed time? Yes please!) and settled down with the Homeland season 3 finale.  I had a 'mocktail' and Andy had a glass of wine.  We were in bed by 11pm and fast asleep for the New Year.  Which was fortunate given that the children were awake, as usual, at 7am.

Life changes when you have children.  Your priorities shift and you have to streamline activities to those that really do bring value to your life.  And for me, a quiet evening with good food, good tv and a good man is the perfect way to end the year.